


the balcony

by ToffeeCandle



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Late Night Conversations, Light Angst, M/M, Sad and Sweet, slight PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-12-07 10:06:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18233444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToffeeCandle/pseuds/ToffeeCandle
Summary: Eiji wakes up to a sudden breeze and finds Ash missing. The night gets a little angsty





	the balcony

Eiji is fast asleep in his bed, wrapped in a thick blanket and wearing very snug pajamas, but somehow, he feels a cool breeze sweep over his body, disturbing him from his sleep. He sits up, rubs his eyes, and tries to figure out where the draft could be coming from. That’s when another blow of cold air hits him weakly, and when he looks towards the direction from which it came, he finds the source.

The balcony.

The balcony is attached to the bedroom, which at times is a nice touch when Eiji wants fresh air straight out of bed in the morning, but sometimes cold air would find its way through the closed door. However, tonight the door is slightly ajar and the curtains are pulled back, allowing pale light from the moon to illuminate the gloss of the hardwood floor. It gave the dark room a somewhat somber feeling, lonely and sad.

Eiji understands why when he looks to Ash’s bed, the blankets and sheets ruffled into a mess and no blonde boy in the midst of it. He frowns knowing that Ash must not have been able to sleep again and is standing out in the cold for lack of a better alternative.

Taking the blanket from Ash’s bed, he quietly makes his way to the door, peeking through the small opening to find that Ash is indeed on the balcony, his tall figure leaning against the metal railing and peering down. Eiji knocks on the door.

“Did I wake you?” Ash asks, hardly eliciting any response from the sudden noise as though he knew Eiji was awake already. Given how many years Ash had to watch his own back, Eiji isn’t surprised. Nevertheless, it saddens him that the habit is still deep in his bones, even though they’ve been living together for almost 3 years now, and Ash hasn’t touched a gun nor participated in gang-related behavior during that time. Eiji’s heart starts to ache a little, but he puts on a smile as he pulls the door open. The empty space at Ash’s side is quickly occupied by Eiji’s warm aura. It makes Ash’s lips curve slightly, though it's nowhere near a full smile.

Eiji chuckles. “It did get a bit chilly in there.”

“Ah, I’m sorry, Eiji…couldn’t sleep.” Eiji watches Ash as he gazes over the city, all bright with lights, buildings, cars, and life. There’s noise too, lots of noise; but, between Ash and Eiji there is a peaceful silence, especially as Eiji meticulously takes in how beautiful Ash’s features are when under moonlight. His skin has a very pure paleness, his hair looks even more soft, and the vibrant greens of his eyes were accentuated in the night time’s dark shadow.

No one could possibly deny that there is beauty in every one of Ash’s features, and while Eiji was almost always awestruck by what was on the surface, he never lost sight of the whole picture. Ash was indeed a lovely sight, but if anyone cared to look further, they’d find a very heart-breaking sadness. Eiji instantly sees it, and it makes his chest tighten. He has to stay strong.

Ever so slowly, Eiji hovers his hand on Ash’s freezing one and beckons him to seek warmth under the blanket. Ash turns towards Eiji and, with one look at his face, knows immediately what the other boy means to say.

_You’ll get sick in this cold._

Ash sighs, “Alright, Alright.”

He expects Eiji to hand him the blanket and force him to return to the bedroom. Instead, Eiji adjusts the blanket in a way that it can be wrapped around them both. Hesitantly, Ash gets closer to Eiji until their bodies are touching, and Eiji eases him onto the balcony floor while also making sure they’re covered properly, though he leaves enough room above their heads so night sky is still in view. Once settled, Eiji stares at Ash intently, making him pout. Ash knows what Eiji means by this too.

_Tell me what’s wrong, Ash._

Eiji is always there to listen to him, Ash knows this. He knows Eiji would never judge him, he knows he can trust Eiji, he knows he doesn’t have to feel afraid around him, he knows he can tell him anything and yet, when he opens his mouth, no words come out. Only the moisture he suddenly feels on his cheeks and the quiet sobs that he hadn’t realized were escaping his lips.

Eiji pulls him close to his chest and rubs his back lovingly, his other hand holding the back of Ash’s head. He waits patiently, squeezing his eyes shut to prevent his own tears from spilling. He has to stay strong, he must, for Ash’s sake.

After a while, Ash’s crying finally subsides, and his trembling voice is reduced to deep gasps of air as his breathing attempts to return to normal. Eiji begins to rock a slow rhythm and, within a few moments, Ash regains the strength to speak.

“I’m pathetic…” Ash mumbles, his voice a bit broken.

Eiji combs his fingers through Ash’s hair. “You aren’t pathetic, Ash. Talk to me.”

“...S-Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if my past was different. Maybe I wouldn’t have so many nightmares, maybe I wouldn’t have so much blood on my hands, maybe...maybe I wouldn’t be afraid of it and I could love you to the fullest.”

“Ash—”

“I know, I know that you’re happy if we don’t, I know you love me for who I am, and god, I love you too Eiji. I love you so, so much.” Ash feels his tears threatening to come back. “A-And that’s why I want to do it, it’s not to prove anything, it’s not because I feel guilty. Eiji, please believe me when I say I really, really want to. But...I’m so afraid, if only I wasn’t so goddamn afraid, if only I could fucking get over it, I—”

Eiji gently places a finger on Ash’s lips and gingerly rubs his cold cheek. “Oh Ash...what you’ve been through, while so young and for so many years, all of the pain, all of the bastards who’ve... who’ve hurt you-” Eiji begins to cry, “-you can’t just get over those things, please don’t dismiss your hurt, Ash. Your pain...it’s important and serious, and you have to accept it will take time to heal.

I understand your frustration, I understand your fear...but we can get through it, together. I will always be patient with you, and you must be patient with yourself, too.There’s no rush, there’s no hurry, I will always be waiting for you, forever. I will love you no matter what.”

“But, Eiji...I don’t know what I should do, or where to start, or if I can start, if it’s even—”

“Shh, do not worry by yourself, we can take steps together. Maybe...we should start looking for a therapist.”

Ash looks at Eiji with uncertainty, but Eiji dotes a smile through his tears that manages to calm Ash’s anxious heart. _Maybe a therapist will work..._

Ash raises his hand to Eiji’s face, and Eiji closes his eyes as Ash thumbs away his tears. Steadily, they lean in closer and closer.

The kiss is slow and loving.  

 

A cloud passes over the moon and obstructs its light, and both boys look up to observe through tired eyes and red noses. Ash takes this moment to ponder the idea of therapy; he doesn’t particularly like the idea of sharing personal information to a stranger. But, he really does want to heal, and he wants to have the freedom to dedicate himself to Eiji without his mind locking up instantly, so he decides to seriously take it into consideration.

As long as Eiji is with him, he thinks it will be okay.

They decide to go back inside when another gust of cold wind befalls them. Once inside, Eiji feels Ash tug on his sleeve.

“Eiji...will you sleep with me tonight?”

Eiji doesn’t answer, but Ash already knows what he’ll say.

_Of course, my love._

* * *

 

The morning sun finds them joined as one in a tight embrace.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. If there is anything you like or did not like in particular, please feel free to comment. I accept any and all criticism.


End file.
